THE ADDICT

The addict is always sending mixed messages, one moment being jubilant, laughing, concerned about finances, caring, loving and sensitive and in the next moment, crying, financially irresponsible, blaming others, angry and verbally abusive. Mood swings seen in the addict is phenomenal. The circular arguments by the addict never quite make sense to others and results in others giving up trying to understand. The thought of "being crazy" from either the addict or the family member is not unusual, because of the terrible communication problems. Perfectionist at times, a slob at others; and while cooperative, occasionally the addict often is a stone wall. The addicts life is full of broken commitments and promises and dates that are often not remembered. Telling unnecessary lies and having them come to light is not uncommon behavior. The addict might also spend considerable, if not most of his/her time justifying and explaining why he/she does things. The addict is extremely defensive, this seems to be one of the key behaviors that is picked up early and seen, but not understood.

Unfortunately, these behavior patterns develop slowly and the many changes of personality occur gradually making them less discernible to the addict and his family. So the slow, insidious change of personality is almost unrecognizable as it is happening, yet the mood swings are very obvious.

As the use continues, the addict learns about behaviors and mood swings and realizes that using alcohol or drugs will alter these and in the beginning it usually works, until the addict depends more on the use of drugs and alcohol to control the behavior and mood swings. Soon the addict needs more and more to continue to control the behaviors and mood swings, eventually sinking into a harmful use of alcohol or drugs. It is no longer recreational or euphoric seeking use, it becomes the use to get back to feeling "normal." As the deterioration progresses, controlling behaviors and mood swings is second nature to trying to function normally on a daily basis.

Memory distortion is not uncommon at this point and blackouts may occur. Further havoc is raised by the users euphoric recall, remembering only good times, and/or the sense of relief, which sends the addict further into the depth of use. The addict has a distorted view of reality, and normal functioning deteriorates even further.

The family is busily trying to accommodate the addict. They feel that somehow if they behave differently, do the "right thing" the addict will respond. One time they are harsh, the next time they try to understand, then another time they might try to ignore the addict, but nothing works. The addict's behavior does not respond in any predictable way to the families behavior. If the addict is "good" on occasion , it really has no connection to what the family has or has not done. The family, in fact is accommodating themselves to the addict. Never being sure why sometimes things go better, than others, they persist in trying and trying again. There are expectations that others have of addicts and they do not meet them. The addict cannot be depended on. Sometimes the addict does what is expected and does it well, yet the next time, no show, followed later with filmy excuses. To add insult to injury, the addict gets furious at the family for being disappointed or annoyed or not understanding. This has a profound impact on the family igniting insecurities and blaming themselves for the addict's behavior. Family members around the addict are confused and feel left out, they sense and fear the loss of an important relationship, one that has been nurturing to them in the past. Meanwhile the addict remains inconsistent and unpredictable.

Eventually the family gives up and lives around the addict.  Yet out of love and loyalty the addict is protected from the consequences of his addiction, leading to anger and resentments, because the family has to carry the burden of the addicts failures to function in a normal way.