WHAT IS ENABLING?

Enabling takes on many forms, all resulting in the same effect and allowing the addict to avoid the consequences of their behavior. This in turn allows the addict to continue with their behavior, secure with the knowledge that no matter how bad things get or how much damage they do to themselves and others, someone will be there to clean up after them and take care of them.

Those affected may feel they are helping, but the true fact is helping is doing something for that person that they are not capable of doing it themselves. Enabling is doing something for that person, that they can and should be doing themselves. As long as the addict has his enabling resources in place, it is easy for them to continue to deny they have a problem because others are solving them.

Only when they are forced to take responsibility for their actions and feel the consequences, will it finally sink in how deep their problem is.

A very dangerous form of enabling or co-dependency, is denial. Denial occurs when family, friends, co-workers and others, do not recognize (or refuse to admit), that the addiction is causing serious problems - health, work, relationships, financial hardships, abuse, etc. Those closest are prone to denial simply because they themselves contribute to the problem by enabling, as identified above. Until the truth becomes so obvious and the crisis so dramatic, does the denial and enabling stop.

Like enabling, co-dependents will begin to focus more and more on the addict and very often, lose themselves in the process. Emotionally, mentally, financially and spiritually, they are drained. A co-dependent can  become affected physically,  as stress and anxiety of sleepless nights of worry, takes it toll. What is left is frustration, anger, sadness and feeling hopelessness.

AM I AN ENABLER - ASK YOURSELF?

If you are struggling with the question - am I enabling the addict or think someone may be in denial, ask yourself the following questions.

1. Have you ever "lied or covered" for the addict?
2. Have you ever accepted part of the blame for their behavior?
   
3. Have you avoided talking to them about their usage out of fear of what they will say or do?
   
4. Have you ever bailed them out of jail or paid their legal fees?
   
5. Have you lent them money for any reason? Bills, rent, food, etc.
   
6. Have you given them one more chances over and over again?
   
7. Have you threatened consequences for their actions but never followed through?
   
8. Have you gotten into arguments with others trying to defend the addicts behavior?
   
9. Have you had sleepless nights worrying about this individual?
   
10. Have money or valuables gone missing?
    

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you have at some point enabled the addict and if you answered yes to most or all, you have perhaps become a major contributor to the continuation of the problem and chances are, effected yourself by the addiction.

If you have recognized yourself or someone else as an enabler, call us today. We can help you further understand your roll in becoming part of the solution rather than remaining part of the problem.

1/877-8CEDARS   WE CAN HELP!!